Why Is My Scorpio Man Hot And Cold? Is He Testing Me?

by Anna Kovach, relationship astrologer
Did a Scorpio guy get you to think he’s in love with you only to turn his back on you? Keep reading to find out why is your Scorpio man being hot and cold.

Why are Scorpios so hot and cold is a question I often receive from my clients. We all know that Scorpio men are special and they can definitely have a hold on women through their magnetic and charismatic energy. 

A Scorpio man hot and cold antics is one of the most annoying things about this guy. He is all about extremes, one minute he is all over you and the next he cannot be further away from you if he tried. It is really annoying.

The truth is, when a Scorpio man goes cold, it often has very little to do with you. It is often his own stuff he is dealing with and he is just taking it out on you, unfortunately. This is why it is so important to really understand him and why he is doing this. 

Are you currently going through a Scorpio hot and cold situation and wondering what is going on with him? Then I suggest that you keep on reading and find out if he is testing you or if there is something deeper going on.

Why Is My Scorpio Man Hot And Cold? 4 Possible Reasons

1. He Is Fearful And Afraid

The hot and cold Scorpio man has a tendency sometimes to jump in without fully looking. They can fall in love quickly without thinking it through. When this happens; there are things that suddenly dawn on him.

This will cause him to say he loves you but he isn’t ready for a relationship. He’ll play this sort of “tug of war” type of game with you. One minute he’s all about you and cares then the next minute he’s not talking.This is all very normal for the fear-filled Scorpio. As a general rule, Scorpio men are untrusting of most people

Though he may feel he can open up to you, he may also suddenly think maybe he can’t trust you. It may be over nothing at all that scares him. Then again maybe you could have said something that he took down a dark road and made him feel as though maybe he was making a mistake.

2. He Thinks You Are His Soulmate

This is the part that is rather weird but, when the Scorpio man feels a woman is “the one”, he will be hot and heavy but then get filled with anxiety thus pulling back and cooling off. It scares the crap out of him to have found the right woman. At first, he’s thrilled, elated, and relieved. Then his fears kick in that you’re good to be true so he back peddles.

He starts to feel that maybe he doesn’t deserve you. He may even think that maybe you’re flawed and he just cannot see it yet. There is a fear of being rejected, hurt, or punished for past karma. Scorpio men are untrusting by nature so if he isn’t suspicious of your intention; he may be suspicious of his own.

As strange as it may seem, he’s more terrified of the woman he loves than he is of any other woman he dates. So if you’ve felt an intense connection with a hot and cold Scorpio man that tells you he loves you then gets cold; he probably loves you.

Is your Scorpio man secretly in love? Check here signs to look for <<

3. He No Longer Feels The Same

The very least with all of this is that he could very well have changed his mind. He felt hot and happy about you but then figured some things out that maybe didn’t feel good anymore for him.

It could also be that he met someone else and feels that the other person may be better for him. It’s not very common for him to not let you know if he’s into someone else or wants to call it off. It CAN happen though.

Watch his behavior and more importantly; watch his eyes. If there is anything at all you want to know, stare into his eyes and ask him. If he cannot look you straight in the eyes when he talks back; he’s possibly not telling you the truth.

On the other hand; if he CAN look at you in the eyes and answer you; he’s most likely telling you the truth. Remember this the next time you’re curious about what he’s been up to or if he’s true to you.

There is also the possibility that the Scorpio man can go quiet after having sex. If your Scorpio man is distant after intimacy, he may have felt it wasn’t what he expected or wanted.

4. He Doesn’t Understand What He Is Feeling

Scorpio men are emotional guys. They can analyze around in circles which can make them feel very confused about what they want. It may have nothing to do with you but rather him not knowing what he wants. If it’s the case that he just doesn’t know what he wants, you’ll definitely have to remain patient with him if you’re really into him. 

Otherwise, you may want to move on to someone else who isn’t so confused. There are many factors that weigh in for this guy. He will harbor baggage from his past. He will carry forward any grievances he had from before. Sadly this can be projected on women he gets involved with.

How To Know If A Scorpio Man Is Not Interested Anymore? << find out here

When A Scorpio Goes Cold — Should I Reach Out Or Leave Him Alone?

When a Scorpio man goes cold, there is usually a reason for this. But the thing you NEED to remember about his sign is that he is actually very shy and introspective. He is more than an introvert than you probably realize. 

He definitely is signaling for a time out and this is why he is going cold because he wants to disappear into his shell. This is where he feels safe and where he can recuperate. He is a very private person and will often need his space – you need to realize this about him if you want to be with him. 

This is why my advice would be for you to leave him alone for the time being so that he can get the space and distance he desires. If you put extra pressure on him he is just going to realize that you don’t understand him and he will start to find you clingy. You don’t want that!

Let him come to you and stop chasing him. I know it probably hurts, but you need to allow him to miss you and realize how respectful you are of his space.

What To Do When A Scorpio Man Goes Cold?

When a Scorpio man avoids you it can feel really intense. You’re probably used to getting all of his attention, and now it is suddenly gone. I get that you are probably feeling quite broken up about this. 

When you get the idea that a Scorpio man is going cold and avoiding you the best course of action is first to remain calm. You don’t want to intensify the situation by creating more drama than there is already. 

Remove yourself from the situation and give yourself and him some space. It is important that you don’t jump to conclusions. Allow him to come to you with what is going on in his head. Trust me, you don’t want to make assumptions. 

If you feel like you may have done something wrong then it is good to give him an apology, but also give him space to allow him to calm down. Don’t overwhelm him if there is a lot he is feeling already. 

Once you feel enough time has gone by you could perhaps ask him how he is doing and if he has time to chat. Give him the opportunity to tell you how he is feeling and why he is acting the way he is. 

Scorpio Man Acting Cold — Does That Mean He Is Testing You?

A Scorpio man can be quite a sly character. He does all kinds of tests when he meets a woman and wants to see if she is deserving of him. He will put her through the most as he doesn’t always believe that he is worthy of love. 

When a Scorpio man is acting cold and distant it can definitely be an indication that he is testing you. He might be playing hard to get and wants to see how far you will go to be with him. He likes to play mind games and leave you feeling confused. This is part of his spell. 

He wants to see if you care enough to be around him despite him putting you through a lot constantly. He wants to see proof of your love, over and over again. 

FAQ On Scorpio Man Hot And Cold Behaviour

Why Is My Scorpio Man Suddenly Cold After We Had Started Getting Really Close? Is He Losing Interest?

A Scorpio man suddenly going cold after experiencing intimacy is often just an indication of how fearful and scared he is of actually going really deep with someone. He is deathly afraid of being hurt and abandoned and this is why he keeps putting up walls so that no one actually gets to know him. 

This could also simply mean that he is losing interest in you and perhaps the connection he thought was there isn’t actually that strong. Give it some time to unfold before you make this assumption though. 

What Makes Scorpio Man Lose Interest? 

There are a lot of things that make a Scorpio man lose interest. This guy has pretty high standards and he knows what he wants out of a relationship. If he feels like you aren’t hitting the mark, then this might be the reason why he is slowly fading away. 

He might find you too aggressive, too needy, not sexual enough, not deep enough, not independent enough, too independent. It could really be anything. The best way to find out is to ask him for clarity. 

Do Scorpio Men Play Mind Games?

Scorpio men are the kings of mind games. They can be very sly and manipulative. They really know what buttons to push to make a woman go crazy to get her under his spell. If you think he is playing mind games on you, he probably is. 

No More Sleepless Nights About Your Scorpio Man…

It can be SO painful to worry about how to make things work with a Scorpio man who won’t commit.

I know. I’ve been there with many of my friends dating Scorpio guys.

I remember my very close friend crying herself to sleep at night, worried that her man would never commit to her. She lost sleep, time, and even work hours, all because she couldn’t figure out how to capture his heart and get him to commit.

As a friend, it was hard to watch her go through that. But I knew how good he was for her, and I didn’t want her to give up on him.

Even when our other friends were telling her to move on, I could see that he was the most incredible man she had ever met.

How could she just give up on that?

But it wasn’t easy. It took a LOT of work.

She had to learn how to speak a different language… his love language <<

And it worked!! 

So if you are ready to sleep like a baby… Knowing your Scorpio man is MADLY in love with you… And never feel anxious about him again…

Go here now to see how to speak your Scorpio man’s love language. 



About Author

Hi, this is Anna Kovach. I am a professional Relationship Astrologer and author of dozens of bestselling books and programs. For over a decade I’ve been advising commitment-seeking women like you and helping them understand, attract and keep the man of their dreams using the astonishing power of astrology. Join over 250K subscribers on my newsletter or follow me on social media! Learn more about me and how I can help you here.

8 thoughts on “Why Is My Scorpio Man Hot And Cold? Is He Testing Me?

  1. The guy I’ve been seeing is a Scorpio and I’ve been with him for about 8 months. It’s a long-distance relationship most of the time since we both live in different countries. We were friends before we hooked up and it was unexpected but it just fell naturally into a thing and we took it from there. Since then, we’ve both been crazy about each other. I come visit him every few months, and we text while I’m away. He can’t visit me because of visa problems, or else he would have. We never had any big issues before, even when we would get into an argument we would always work it out right away. He would never be able to stay mad at me for more than a day, and me the same. This has been the longest time we’ve been away from each other, about 4 months. I’m here visiting him now, and when I first got here all was good for a couple days, he seemed so excited and kept saying how much he missed me, and we hung out for the first 3 days every day, alone and with his friends.

    Then he disappeared, but apologized and said he was just taking a break from everything and everyone so I understood and wasn’t upset about it. He then saw me the day after and I got him a gift for his birthday which he loved and kept telling me how happy he was with it. After that he started to gradually get more distant by the day. Stopped texting me every day, and when I would text would take longer to get back to me each time. Wouldn’t talk the same when he did, like for instance, stopped calling me babe, or saying he missed me all time, and all that. I’m always upfront with him and honest, so I told him that I felt he had been distant, and he said nothing was wrong, but I know him well and had a feeling something was off. He knew I was only visiting for a couple weeks, and usually every time I visit he tries to spend as much time with me as he can. He usually works too, and he still manages to find time to see me, and this time he’s not working, so he’s completely free. He would be spending time with his friends whom he can see all the time, and not me. But then say nothing is wrong. He would usually have me hang with him and his friends if he wanted to chill with them and they all like me so they don’t mind at all. Every time we would see each other the time gap would be longer each time, first 2 days, then every 4 days, etc. I was frustrated, normally this wouldn’t bother me if I lived here, because I have all the time in the world to see him, but of course I was upset, because I felt like the time was being wasted and all the while he is telling me nothing is wrong.

    When we would see each other, he would act the same, calling me babe, being attentive, and sweet, etc. But then as soon as he would leave it would go back to the distance, no texting, taking forever to reply, etc. After about a week of this I was up front with him and told him that I know he told me nothing’s wrong, but I feel that something is. He doesn’t treat me the same as he used to, and I feel like he’s not even excited to see me, since he’s spending time with his friends every day and not even bothering to text me or ask about me, but then after 4 or 5 days suddenly say hey, do you want to meet up? And if I’m busy he will of course ask a million questions like all Scorpios do, like I’m supposed to just be sitting around waiting for him. I would meet him though, and he would act like nothing is wrong. I couldn’t take it anymore, the weirdness, the lack of contact. I told him that I was expecting on spending more time with him, he told me well it’s not like we can see each other every day, so I said yea of course I don’t expect you to see me every day, but at least to text or ask about me, then he’s like well we can’t be talking all the time? It was so weird, because he used to text me literally every minute of the day and always want to see me. I didn’t even expect constant texts just a reply to my 1 or 2 texts I send him, so it was just odd, he was acting like I was crazy and I was expecting too much, when I wasn’t at all. He was acting like a different person and it was driving me insane because he kept making me feel like I’m the crazy one.

    Anyways during the 3 weeks I was here I only saw him 5 times, and he was making it seem like that was normal. That was not normal at all. Every time I would visit he would try to see me every day or at least every other day, and if he wasn’t going to see me he was texting me. So, I was sick of being treated like I’m crazy, or being needy or something? He knows very well that if I was living here I wouldn’t expect that shit at all. Even after all that, I still was cool about it, and didn’t make a big deal about it, I just told him that it bothered me. Then I saw him the day I was supposed to leave and we hung out all day and he kept going on and on about how much he’s going to miss me and telling me to try to not be gone so long this time and all this sweet shit, so I was just surprised because this is coming from someone who had 3 weeks to spend with me, but willingly chose barely to spend any time with me. But I just let it go, because I care about him and I don’t want to make a stupid fight about it. Anyways the night I was supposed to leave my flight got cancelled, so I told him, and then I told him that I found out that I didn’t have to go back to work for another 2 weeks because of thanksgiving break and my boss is going to be out of town so I told him I would extend my trip. He didn’t seem excited at all. Next day I text him just to see what’s up, no response….2 days go by, nothing….so same shit! It doesn’t make any sense. He was just saying that he’s going to miss me, what’s up with all these mixed signals? He was NEVER like this before! He was always talking to me, I was tired of this treatment, of the ignoring then showing up like nothing is wrong. All the while he is chilling with his friends.

    So of course, it makes me feel like I’m not important to him. So, I expressed to him how I felt because I like to be open about shit like this, and no reply…. then I started to get frustrated and told him that I don’t deserve to be treated like this, and if he doesn’t want me to talk to him, or doesn’t want to see me anymore all he has to do is tell me, but I don’t like to just be ignored and played with like that. He got back instantly saying wtf are you pissed about? So, I told him I’m pissed because of what I just told you, then he laughs sarcastically (which he does a lot when he’s in a confrontation like this) just like making fun of me kind of. Then I told him I didn’t expect my time here to be like this, I expected spend some time with him, then he says “when they cancel your flight, they’re supposed to book you on a new one right away” wow? Where the hell did that come from? I told him that I already expressed to him that I didn’t have work so I decided to postpone it, but I said thank you for wanting me to leave though, then he said “well I never said I wanted you to leave…. this is just me being cold, because I don’t want to deal with this shit” so I asked him what shit? Me? He said no, this… ok, this as in what? He said “as in you giving me crap all the time? So, I told him I’m sorry if you feel I’m giving you crap all the time, but you’re the one who is just ignoring me for days, then acting as if nothing is wrong. Then he said another one of his stupid excuses he’s been using lately, like I was sleeping, or some shit like that, and I wasn’t ignoring you, I was going to get back eventually. Well I’m not idiot, you can’t be asleep for days, and this is coming from someone who was always bombing my phone with texts and would flip out if I wouldn’t answer for just an hour or two, and now you don’t have time to respond to a simple text or even say your busy? And you’ve hanging with your friends. So, I was sick of him treating me like an idiot because I’m not, I can tell when someone isn’t interested anymore, and I don’t like to be clingy, if you’re not interested just say you’re not interested it’s that simple. I told him, if the roles were reversed and I didn’t get back to you for days you would think I’m ignoring you, right? Then he said, yea I would, “anyways, let’s just stop fighting” and joked around a little so it seemed like he wasn’t pissed anymore. So, I told him okay, I never wanted to fight anyways, and I just wish he would communicate more because I can’t read his mind.
    The next day I texted him about a funny story and he replied normally. Then I sent him a text later and no reply, next day no reply still, 3 days went on, no reply. Just suddenly, same shit as before. All will be good, then boom he’s gone. I texted him yesterday which was 4 days after ignoring me telling him I’m going to the beach, and it would be nice if he could come, and he could even bring his friends too if he wanted. Read it, no reply again.

    So, I really don’t understand WTF is going on. I’ve never been more confused in my life. If he’s over me then why doesn’t he just say so? Why does he keep playing games like this, He was never like this before so it’s very weird? He hasn’t even asked me until now when my new flight is scheduled for. He’s always active online so obviously he’s alive, and he knows I can see that he read the msg. So, it’s just weird, why just ignore me? I didn’t do shit to him, I’m not even putting any pressure on him, I just want him to be honest. So, I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want to seem clingy or needy by texting him after him ignoring me AGAIN, but I want to make it clear to him that I’m really sick of this crap. So, I have no idea what to do, please help me. I really like him, if I didn’t, I would have never been this patient. And he was my friend before we started dating so he knows this really well about me, I’m not the type to put up with shit like this. And he was never the type to treat me like this. So why act like nothing is wrong. This is the longest he’s went until now without hearing anything from him, and I haven’t seen him in over a week. So, I thought maybe someone who is a Scorpio or has experience with one would be able to give some advice on how to go about this shit. I’m really frustrated now, I’m only here for a few more days and I wanted to be able to spend time with my guy, but I feel like I’m dating a girl seriously, with all these fucking mood swings and secrecy. I can’t handle this anymore.

    1. Hahahaha , listen it from me , do not be sad at all , they said it true , all is good but for themselve . scorpio men are spiders . At first they make a net around you from gifts , sweet words , funny things , spending time , sending their penis pictures & etc . They want it , you to fall in net of their love !!! They are focuse in all they want ! they put all their time , energy , mood , love , attentions on you , when WON U , now they have so go to another ones things , sometimes journey , sometimes career & etc . It’s so natural & all is so common for them .
      When they ignore you , fight hard with them but all the time respect them & never betray . Hahaha they like it , a woman tell them notice me more please , please sir scorpio ?? . But when you fight them , they scare to lose you & then start loving you again .
      Just one thing : be proud , live your life , have lots of fun with yourself , make up , musics & etc . They are so jealous so they want what make you happy this much & then close to you slowly . Only see & enjoy ! do not show them weakness even if you are hard in love with them , when ignore you tell them if you want to end up by doing these , am ready too ! & then you will hear the most beautiful words of the world that : i need you / do not leave me / i care about you / am thinking to you / i fond you & etc .
      Really they like licking & kissing your legs & hands if you be strong enough ! Am a sagittarius girl with a cute scorpio man for 16 months 😉 .
      Be successful & use your gender to make him yours !!!
      But give them lots of time , they work with gasoline , they need lots of time to show their real feels !

  2. Dear I have gone through the same experience, these guys are like this. they want to control things and people around them and if we dont act like it and they dont have choice of leaving as well they do this to mentally manipulte us into mind games and ultimately destroy the peace. when we try to get back the peace and harmony in the relationship back there we compromise and this is exactly what the want to please them. Just put yr head high and up for fights confrontation and if its too much for your nerve sucks all energy you could have invested somewhere else then f*ck him off.
    You lady are definitely better off alone than with wrong guy.

  3. Wow thia whas certainly ezplained the 30 year ols scorpio thats f*cked up in his ways with me..Im a 45 year old women,(please dont judge me as i dont look my age at all)..He popped up too me in 2017 and made conversation then of course one conversation led to him asking if im single..?? My reply yes but im not looking for any kind of relationship..He pursued and didnt stop until i said yes!! Were about 2hours 30mins apart from each other..At first he bombarded me with text calls face time every way of communicating with me he did..It was ok and time was ticking and we hadnt met up..8 months into us talking(yes 8 months) i took upon myself and said if your not coming down to meet me il come up..At first he was humming an harring,using escuses like im busy but eventually i got him to say yes and i drove up to see him in real life..My first real life impression was “boy u have short man syndrome” but i then over look3d his height and liked him 4 him..We drove around with minimum conversation then he took me to his friends restaurant..We had a meal but he was more off the table eating then he was sitting down..Like he had ants in his pants..He complimented me,open the doors for me introduced me to his friends and i even got a kiss on my forehead from him.

    After 3 hours of been together i decided it was time for me to drive back home.He wanted me to stay and even said he would buy me pjs and stay over stuff..I refused and drove back..

    He rang me once when i had 5 mins b4 i reached my destination to see how i got on and once i got home..I never heard from him..He went cold on me..No texts he wouldnt answer my calls he wouldnt reply to my messages nothing..

    I started reading up on his behaviour and come to the conclusion scorpio men r very different humans..5 weeks later he rang me and behaved like nothing had happened and if i questioned him he said just let it go now,and move on..

    First thing he asked was if i had met or seen anyone else? My reply was no..

    It was then his bday and i asked if i could come up and this time stay with him? He became very confused and again it went on for hours his humming and haring and even then he said come up but dont stay cause i dont want us to make out until we get married..I was ok..Morning came i got ready and just about to leave and he rings and suggests that i should stay with him so i quickly packed an over night bag and made my way up.

    I took him lots of helium balloons presents and a cake to celebrate his bday..

    He booked us in a room and he left me to settle in,He came stopped for a while went again and this continued till 10pm..We made out and i didnt feel he was emotionally attached with me whilst makeing out..So this was an indication for me to say the least about this guy..I mean im not one for one night stands but i have done in the past and even then u have a connection,you cant just make out with someone u dont really like..

    Anyway the following morning he couldn’t wait to see me gone..We didnt even have breakfast at the hotel..And i love breakfast so he took me to a drive thru greggs…Hahhaa…Yep cheese an onion pasty with hot chocolate!!!! I sat having my breakfast and he forbids me good bye..Which i thought how rude..

    Anyway after i ate i then hit the motorway back home,i got flashed and fined for speeding whilst in his area..

    I didnt hear anything from him until i got home,we spoke for about a week after that,everything seemed great but since then and up until now its sh*tttte again..Infact i confronted him about him been hot an cold,we ended up in a argument and his blocked me of all social media and messages..

    Im ok with it all now as i understand his finding his emotions or doesnt no how to deal with hos emotions but tbh i rather him keep me blocked and i rather not hear from him ever again..

    He has got his issues going on but so does everyone else,i no its a scorpio trait but surely they can deal with there emotions just the way anyone else has too..

    I just think its a poor excuse but im done with the hot and cold behaviour the want to marry you to f*ck you im gnna block u..All bollocks all bullsh*t..from my own experience im better with out a d*ck like him and he needs to remain single and live a bachelor’s life just so its not complicated for anyone else that he gets involved with..

    So girlies im done with this weird sign and i hope u all over come your love affair with the men that sting you when you least expect it…

    1. Hi Anonymous!

      I’m sorry you had such a poor relationship with a Scorpio guy. I would like to point out that not all of them are exactly the same so I hope you don’t write them all off because of a crappy experience. We all have Scorpio in our birth charts so we too have some of their quirks in different ways. Also their moon and rising sign is going to alter their being. Keep your heart open sweetheart. You never know!

  4. Hi yall, I get what you’re saying… I’ve been hanging in a distance relationship with a scorpio man as well. I say ‘hanging’ because it feels like it – I literally feel like he ‘hangs’ me on a branch and leaves, lol, as if I am some plant he can visit and spend time with and then no contact for a week or so. I am a gemini, and I really like space – I have my own life and like being independant, but I love attention as well. The worst minutes are when he leaves me alone – I start quessing when he is gonna come back… whether he will at all hahah. But he always does! So we kinda play this game: he goes, I get on with my life, he comes back, then again the same! Not sure if this is his character or really a scorpio thing

    1. Hi Maria! It sounds like your Scorpio guy has some tendencies of another sign. Maybe his moon or rising sign is one that requires more space such as Aquarius, Aries, Sagittarius, or even Gemini. This could cause him to take on tendencies that normally fit the Scorpio man criteria. Scorpio man does like space but if he’s going that long without seeing you, he’s just not sold yet on the idea of commitment and is taking life as it comes. If you want something more with him, you’ll have to talk to him and let him know otherwise this could go on this way for quite a while. You may want to read more about Scorpio man in my book “Scorpio Man Secrets”.

  5. I am dating a Scorpio man, I am a Saggitarius woman.

    We have been speaking for coming up to 3 months now, and have spent time together and it seems like we are getting closer. Then one day I talked to him about something that’s going on with me, and he shut down on me. I gave him his space and then the next night he accused me of being “selfish” and wasn’t sure about moving forward. He said that even though he really likes me he’s not sure. He said that a few times, “I do like you but….” or “I really really like you but…I’m not sure…”

    I asked him if he wanted stop pursuing whatever this was, and he didn’t say anything. He slowly calling me less, messaging me at all. Now I call him once every night, but he still hasn’t called it off, and I ask him. He also told me that if he wanted to call it off, he would tell me. So they fact that he hasn’t yet leaves me confused.

    Should I just let him have his space to let him figure it out? Should I continue to reach out to him to just let him know that I am here? I like him, and he keeps saying he likes me. I am not sure though on his end. Sometimes I want to argue his logic but he’s already emotionally/irrationally angry at those times when he has an issue. So I don’t want to be a stress to him either. He is very sweet on the inside, just trying to figure out his shell, so to speak….

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