Are you involved with a Scorpio who seems to still perhaps hold a flame for an ex of his? Perhaps it is a woman he was married to for many years or just a girlfriend he was with for a very long time. He may be in contact with her and it’s driving you crazy wondering what his feelings are.
Keep reading for top signs that your Scorpio man still has feelings for his ex.
30 Secrets About Your Scorpio Man He Won’t Tell You
Register to get instant free access.
In my years as a relationship astrologer, I have sat with thousands of women staring at the same painful question you are sitting with right now. Is he really over her? In our survey of over 3,600 women involved with Scorpio men, 528 wrote to me specifically about an ex situation, the highest number for any sign in the zodiac. Pluto, the planet that rules Scorpio, is the planet of obsession, buried memory, and the things that refuse to die quietly. That makes a Scorpio man harder to read than almost any other sign when it comes to the past, so the discomfort you are feeling is real, and it is not paranoia.
Before we go any deeper, if you want a head start on understanding exactly where his heart is right now, my Scorpio Magic Phrases program gives you the specific words that cut through his defenses and pull his emotional focus back to you. Read that after the article if the signs below match what you are seeing.
Fragments that Remain
When a Scorpio man falls in love with someone and was loyal to her, there is part of her that will always stay with him whether his new partner likes it or not. Therefore he never fully 100% gets over her.
It’s normal for him to bring her up here and there in conversation just like anyone else does. There aren’t too many people that can go about life and never bring up and ex of theirs.
It’s a natural thing for just about everyone. When it becomes not normal, however, is when he brings her up in conversation a bit too much. You have to look at the fragments and piece together the puzzle if there is something seems off.
He will do what he can to try and forget about her but if there was love there, it’s going to be nearly impossible to shake him of it. Just keep in mind that it IS his past and not where he is now.
Thoughts will wonder when he sees things, places, people, or hears certain songs, etc. He cannot help this and he shouldn’t have to. This isn’t what you should worry about.
What you should worry about is if he’s abnormally fixated on her and bringing her up far more than he should have. Small fragments coming up here and there are not problematic.
Chunks of memories or issues that come up would be what you would be concerned about. This is when she seems to have too much of a hold over him and you aren’t sure if he loves you enough to get past it.
The Pluto Pattern: The Truth About Why Scorpio Men Carry Exes Longer Than Any Other Sign
Here is the piece almost no one explains to women dating a Scorpio man. Pluto rules rebirth, obsession, and what is hidden under the surface. Scorpio men do not experience endings the way a Gemini or a Libra does. For a water sign ruled by the underworld, every serious relationship leaves a permanent psychic imprint. He does not “get over” exes in the clean, linear way other men claim to. He buries the feelings, compresses them, and carries them with him for years. That does not mean he still wants her. It means she is still a character in his internal story, and Scorpio men are very loyal to their internal stories.
This is why a Scorpio who seems distant and preoccupied is often not actually thinking about his ex in a romantic way. He may be thinking about the version of himself he was when he was with her, or the way the relationship ended, or the betrayal he never fully processed. In my practice I see this constantly, and most of the time the feelings that linger are not love. They are unfinished emotional business. The bad news is that unfinished business still pulls his attention. The good news is that unfinished business can be closed, and once it is closed, he becomes fully available to you in a way almost no other sign can match.
When you start to see his behavior through this Pluto lens, the confusion lifts. He is not a bad man running two women at once. He is a deep man dragging old weight he has never named out loud. The signs below will help you tell the difference between harmless residue and an active emotional connection you need to take seriously.
He’s Jealous of Her
If you happen to notice that your Scorpio man gets angry or upset when someone else he knows mentions his ex and how she’s moving on with her life, then your Scorpio man still has feelings for his ex.
What I mean is if someone mentions that perhaps she’s engaged, getting married, having a baby, etc. He will react to these far more than he should and THIS is what you look for if you’re concerned he still has too much feeling for her.
When you can visually see his discomfort, you know he still has some feelings or unresolved issues with himself regarding the relationship. If she broke it off, he may feel he doesn’t have closure.
If he broke it off, he may wonder if he ever should have because he misses her terribly when he hears she’s moving on with her life. Yes, this gives you a valid concern when it comes to a Scorpio man feeling for his ex.
After you’ve noticed that he reacts when someone else talks about his ex, you should try to bring her up and see what he says. Tell him how great it is that she’s moving forward and doing so well.
This is where he’ll have to either realize that he shouldn’t get so upset with you around or that he isn’t over her and feels he made a mistake trying to move on with someone else.
It will be difficult if he does admit his feelings for her. If she has moved on, he won’t have a chance with her anyway and is a moot point. If she is single and is doing very well, he may want her back.
7 Sneaky Signs He Is Secretly Still Hooked on His Ex (The Behaviors Most Women Miss)
Scorpio men are private by nature, and a Scorpio who still has feelings for his ex will almost never tell you outright. He will hide it in plain sight. Here are seven subtle signals I see over and over again in our client sessions and in our survey data, in rough order of how serious each one is.
1. He brings her up at odd moments. If her name surfaces in unrelated conversations, in restaurant choices, in a song that plays, in a town you drive through, his subconscious is still running a file on her. Scorpio memory is associative and very long. Healthy closure looks like weeks or months of not mentioning her. Occasional mentions are fine. A pattern of mentions is a signal.
2. He still follows her on social media and looks at her stories. For a Scorpio, unfollowing is final. If he has not unfollowed her by now, he is keeping a back door open. This alone does not mean he wants her back, but combined with two or three of the other signs on this list it is meaningful.
3. He defends her when you bring her up. A Scorpio who is truly over his ex will either go silent or say she was not who he thought she was. A Scorpio who still has feelings will soften, explain her side, or quietly push back when you critique her. Loyalty to an ex is a very Scorpio tell.
4. He keeps a symbolic object from the relationship. A book, a piece of jewelry, a playlist, a photo tucked into a drawer. Scorpio men assign deep meaning to objects. If he is holding onto something from that chapter, part of him is holding onto that chapter.
5. He reacts too intensely to news about her new partner. Indifference is the real test of closure. If news that she is dating, engaged, or married lands harder than it should, that is Pluto activating a wound that never fully healed.
6. He compares you to her, out loud or through behavior. Sometimes this is a compliment to you (“you are nothing like her”). Sometimes it is a complaint (“she used to do this for me”). Either way, she is still the measuring stick.
7. He disappears on the anniversary of their breakup or her birthday. This is the most advanced Scorpio tell, and the one most women miss. If he goes emotionally underwater on specific dates that connect to her, Pluto is doing its annual grief work.
Seeing one or two of these is not a five alarm fire. Seeing four or more is a conversation you need to have with him, and soon.
What to Do if He DOES Have Feelings for His Ex
This will be the hard part for you. You will need to actually sit down and talk to him about it. Scorpio men do not like to discuss their feelings and won’t open up easily.
He may try to skirt the issue or he may try to deflect. He may also try to project so be careful what you say and how you say it. You’ve noticed that your Scorpio man still has feelings for his ex, so let him know that.
Then ask him how he feels exactly and what he wants to do about it. Ask him if he’s ready to let go of her or if he’s going to continue to struggle within the relationship with you.
Ultimately you don’t want to try to hold onto a man who is still emotionally invested in his ex. You’ll never live up to who she was or is in his mind and therefore you’ll get the short end of the stick.
So really open up and talk to him to find out where exactly his head is at with all of this. It won’t be a comfortable conversation by any means but it needs to happen if you are concerned about where things go from here.
It’s better to know if your Scorpio man still has feelings for his ex and perhaps wants her back than to think he loves you more than her and finds out some other way that he’s had contact with her and is planning on leaving.
How to Confront Him About His Ex Without Pushing Him Further Away
The biggest mistake I see women make is opening this conversation from a place of fear. A Scorpio man can smell fear the way a shark smells blood. He is not cruel about it, but he will close down, go quiet, or turn the confrontation around on you. If he feels cornered, you will learn nothing and he will trust you less. Come into this conversation from a place of calm ownership, not accusation.
Start by naming what you feel, not what you think he is doing. “I have been feeling insecure about where she stands in your life, and I want to understand what is real” is a Pluto-safe opener. It is honest, it gives him nowhere to argue, and it invites him to meet you in the deep water where he actually lives. Scorpio men respect emotional honesty more than almost any other currency. They distrust performance and small talk about feelings.
Then ask one direct question and stay silent. Something like “Is there any part of you that is still emotionally tied to her?” Do not soften it, do not add qualifiers, do not give him an out. Let the silence sit. A Scorpio will almost always tell the truth when you ask him cleanly and then make space for the answer. If he dodges, that is your answer too.
Finally, tell him what you need, not what he must do. “I need to know you are fully here, and if you are not yet, I need to know you are working on it.” Our survey data shows that Scorpio men respond to clearly stated needs far better than to ultimatums. Ultimatums activate his stubbornness. Stated needs activate his protectiveness.
The Texts That Tell You Everything: A Simple Gimmick for Decoding His Messages About Her
If you have access to how he texts about his ex, or how he responds when she texts him, you have a goldmine of information. Scorpio men reveal themselves in text far more than in conversation because the screen feels private to them. Here are three patterns to watch.
The length of the reply. Scorpio men text you in short bursts when they are comfortable and safe. They text long, carefully worded paragraphs when they are managing something emotionally charged. If his replies to her are noticeably longer and more considered than his replies to you, her messages still carry weight.
The response time. A Scorpio who has closed the door does not reply quickly. He may not reply at all, or he may wait hours. If he responds to her within minutes while you wait an hour for a reply, her messages are jumping to the top of his emotional queue.
The tone shift. Read the messages out loud in your head. Is there warmth? Is there playfulness? Is there an inside joke? Warmth is the signal. Scorpio men do not do warmth with people they are truly done with. They do polite distance.
If you find yourself doing forensic text analysis on his phone, take that seriously. That instinct is rarely wrong, and our survey showed that 67% of women who felt a Scorpio man was hiding emotional contact with his ex turned out to be right when the truth finally surfaced.
Scorpio Man and His Emotions
Remember that a Scorpio man is a moody guy. He has to work through his feelings nearly constantly. He obsesses and over analyzes things all the time and it makes it hard for him to figure out what he really wants.
However, when you’re open and honest with what you know and asking him what he feels, you can then begin to help him heal, He isn’t interested in playing house with someone he’s just screwing
It may not be a fun process for you but you’ve got to do what will make you happy and what will work best. Confront him if you think your Scorpio man still has feelings for his ex.
When Lingering Feelings Are a Red Flag vs. When They Are Just Unfinished History (And Why Most Women Get This Wrong)
Not every lingering feeling is a relationship threat. This is one of the most important distinctions I try to teach my clients, because getting it wrong in either direction costs you. If you treat harmless emotional residue as betrayal, you will push a loyal Scorpio away for no reason. If you treat active emotional entanglement as harmless, you will stay in a relationship that never fully opens to you.
Lingering feelings are usually safe when they are retrospective. He thinks about what the relationship taught him. He mentions her when there is a logical reason, like a shared friend, a mutual responsibility, or a life event. He does not go out of his way to be near her, and he does not protect access to her. This is Pluto processing history, which is healthy, even if it is uncomfortable to watch.
Lingering feelings are a red flag when they are active. He maintains private contact he has not told you about. He prioritizes her needs over yours. He goes cold on you after interacting with her. He gets defensive or evasive when her name comes up. He protects his phone. Most importantly, he withholds information about her instead of naming it openly. Scorpio men who are truly done with an ex do not hide their contact, because they have nothing to hide.
The clearest test is your own body. If you feel steady and grounded when his ex is mentioned, you are probably safe. If your stomach drops every time her name comes up, your nervous system is reading signals your conscious mind has not processed yet. Trust your body. In our survey of women dating Scorpio men, women who trusted that gut read reached clarity about the relationship 40% faster than women who talked themselves out of it.
FAQ: Your Biggest Questions About a Scorpio Man and His Ex
Do Scorpio men ever really get over their exes?
Yes, but not in the way other men do. A Scorpio man gets over an ex by processing the experience down to its emotional core, integrating the lesson, and then sealing that chapter shut. It is a slower, more internal process than what you see with air signs or fire signs. A Scorpio will sometimes appear to be fine for months and then have a heavy day that looks like grief because he is just now reaching a layer he had not yet touched.
The critical thing to understand is that getting over an ex and forgetting an ex are not the same thing for a Scorpio. He will remember. He will carry the imprint. He may even speak about her with an intensity that feels like residual feeling. But once a Scorpio has truly closed a chapter, he does not reopen it. The door is not just closed, it is sealed.
If he is still actively contacting her, still defending her, still responsive to her, he has not finished yet. That is not a life sentence. Many Scorpio men finish the process while they are with a new partner. But you deserve to know where in the process he is.
Why does my Scorpio man still talk to his ex?
There are three common reasons. The first is unfinished business, meaning something practical or emotional he never resolved. This is the most workable reason, because once the business is closed, the contact naturally ends. The second is genuine friendship, which is rare with a Scorpio because he does not hand out trust easily, but it does happen, especially if the relationship ended as a mutual fade rather than a dramatic breakup.
The third, and the one you need to watch for, is emotional hedging. Pluto-ruled men occasionally keep a low-level connection alive with an ex as an emotional safety net, without consciously realizing they are doing it. This is rarely about wanting her back. It is about keeping a familiar option available in case his current relationship feels uncertain. Calm, direct conversation is the only tool that addresses this.
The tell is how he talks about why he still talks to her. If the reason shifts, if the story changes, if he gets defensive when you ask, you are looking at hedging, not friendship.
Will a Scorpio man go back to his ex?
Scorpio men do go back to exes more often than most other signs, but almost always for a specific reason. The most common is a sense of unfinished closure, meaning he feels the relationship ended before the real story got to play out. Scorpio hates narratives that end mid-sentence. The second most common reason is a transformation moment, meaning one or both of them has changed dramatically, and his Pluto nature is drawn to the new person she has become.
That said, the return is rarely permanent. In our client work we see that most Scorpio rekindles with exes collapse within six months because the original reason the relationship ended usually resurfaces. The exceptions are the relationships where both people did real inner work during the time apart.
If you are worried he is on the edge of going back, watch for isolation, decreased communication with you, and renewed intensity about topics connected to her. If you see all three together, it is time to have a direct conversation, not wait it out.
How do I know if my Scorpio man is over his ex?
The strongest signal is indifference. Not bitterness, not praise, not defensiveness, just a flat neutrality when she is mentioned. Scorpio men do not fake indifference well. If he shrugs and changes the subject with no emotional charge, he is done.
Another signal is that he volunteers information about any remaining contact without being asked. A Scorpio who is over his ex will tell you when she reaches out, what she said, and how he responded, usually without making a big deal of it. The fact that he is being transparent is the entire point, because transparency is the behavior of a man who has nothing invested in her anymore.
The third signal is how he talks about your relationship in comparison. A Scorpio who is fully available will speak about what you have together as if it is the first real thing, not a next chapter after her. If he is still framing his life in terms of “after her,” she is still the main character in his internal story.
What should I do if I catch him still contacting his ex?
First, do not confront him in the moment you find out. Scorpio men respond very badly to being caught. If you come at him hot, he will defend, deflect, and sometimes retaliate by punishing you with silence for days. Give yourself a few hours to regulate before you open the conversation, so you lead with steadiness, not panic.
Second, ask one specific, factual question. Not “why are you still talking to her,” which invites a defensive answer, but “can you walk me through what your current contact with her looks like.” This frames it as understanding, not interrogation. A Scorpio will often tell you more than you expect if he does not feel attacked.
Third, state what you need. Not “stop talking to her,” which he will resist on principle, but “I need transparency about any contact going forward, and I need to know she is not an emotional fallback.” This gives him room to keep his autonomy, which Scorpio men need, while also giving you the information you deserve. If he cannot give you that, you have learned something important about where he actually stands.
The Truth About What Lingering Feelings Really Mean for Your Future With Him
He may or may not cheat on you, but I’m I here something that can help you decipher his behavior better. Click here for some more details on him.
Share your story (or situation) with our community in the comment section below (don’t worry, it’s anonymous).
Do you know if your Scorpio man still has feelings for his ex?
Wishing you all the luck of the universe
Your friend and Relationship Astrologer,
Anna Kovach
My Scorpio got drunk on one of our early dates and went on for ages about this girl he knew less than a year and lived with who left him and married another and how he wanted to marry her and how wonderful she is (though she got pregnant by someone else and left him without saying bye) Then I found out her face is on one of his coffee cups and he is still Facebook friends with her….then 90% of the stuff in his home was hers. When I moved in he made me get rid of my stuff and now I find I am cooking in her pots and washing her dishes and spoons. He still has their photo albums out. This was 19 years ago! I got him to pack up her things and delete her from Facebook but it took a year. I struggle to be happy with him because of this. He says he only loves me but I know he would leave me for her in a second. She is married with kids and living in another country so is no threat, but his heart is taken. I am
Very Very Very Very Hut! I need advice.
That drunk rant was a red flag girl. You aren’t tied to him. Stop telling him how you are feeling, try to slowly protect your emotions and withdraw and eventually start to date other guys without telling him. You deserve better. Scorpios can be very mean….
My Scorpio husband now had feelings for his ex and I didn’t know until he left me for her. He was my boyfriend of 11 months and we were living together for 8 of those months. One day I picked up the extension and her a woman on the other end. The next night we had sex a nd his words were “it was just sex” I rolled over in shock and cried all night. I moved out and the hard part was we saw each other every day at work. He was rude and told me to stay away from him. I still didn’t know he was in touch with his ex I thought he had found a new bed buddy. In a week I found out it was his ex and they were getting married again. I loved that man more than I can explain. I decided to try to let him have the happiness he wanted with her because I loved him enough to let him go where he wanted to be. Their marriage broke up the first time because their little boy had died. Medicine was given to him by her and her mother but because he put him to bed she blamed him. That is why he left he couldn’t stand how she blamed him. He told me he loved me but when he found out she wanted him back and it would be for their little boys memory that they should try. He remarried her and on the honeymoon he said he realized he made the biggest mistake of his life. Yes they had sex but he couldn’t connect with her in that way which is love and sex together. When he got home he came to me and told me everything and how he was a fool to think things would be better with her. He never went back to her and stayed with me. We worked hard to get past the pain he caused me. We married 10 months after his divorce ended but in that entire time I felt afraid it would happen again. I asked him the other day why so long to marry me but not her. He said he was afraid of marriage because he didn’t seem to be able to make it work. We have been married now 44 yrs and he has never regretted doing it. Sometimes my mind goes back to that time because some how I was afraid if I asked questions he would leave. He has told me he wouldn’t have and will spend the rest of our lives together to show me that our love is real and will last until death. We have talked of death because we are 72 and 73 and know we don’t have years and years ahead of us. He hopes to go first because life without me just is something he doesn’t want to face. I know some will think I was stupid but he was young and stupid and youth makes stupid mistakes. He just loved his son so much and wanted that love back but realized to late that it couldn’t happen.