Scorpio men are very private and aren’t very vocal about what they want. They prefer to wait for women to figure them out with time and patience. It’s no fun to guess at what is going on with him!
But there are important things that every Scorpio man wants. Keep reading to delve deep into his psyche and figure out how to capture his heart for good!
30 Secrets About Your Scorpio Man He Won’t Tell You
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So what does a Scorpio man want? That may seem like a complicated question—but not quite as complicated as you might think.
In my years as a relationship astrologer, I have worked with thousands of women who love a Scorpio man, and the same truth surfaces again and again: he will almost never tell you what he wants outright. He waits to see whether you can sense it on your own. In a survey of over 3,600 women involved with Scorpio men, “it’s complicated” was the single most common way they described their situation, more than for any other sign. That one phrase captures the Scorpio experience perfectly, and it almost always traces back to him wanting something he never put into words.
The good news is that his desires follow a pattern once you know how to read it. If you want the full map of how his Pluto-ruled mind works in love, my Scorpio Man Secrets guide breaks down everything he craves but rarely admits. For now, let’s start with the five things sitting at the very top of his list.
5 Shocking Things Every Scorpio Man Wants
1. He Wants the Control
This isn’t something that Scorpio men really want you to know, but eventually you end up figuring it out anyway. The truth is, he doesn’t trust anyone, and he feels that he has to keep everything in order.
This includes being the “boss” in his relationship. He will not be controlled by anyone else. He needs a partner who is a bit more on the submissive side. He does really well with other water signs for this reason.
He is also this way when it comes to the bedroom. He wants to be the initiator and the one that takes control sexually. You need not worry—he knows what he is doing and will bring you much pleasure!
You also need to know that he may try to dictate what you can or cannot do with him. That takes a bit of compromising.
Don’t be afraid to tell him you’re not going to be told what to do either. Some things you can have wiggle room with and some things you should never let him win on. You’ll have to decide what is worth the battle.
He can be a control freak, but with a woman who has the right temperament, he will be able to adjust and understand it’s alright if he doesn’t have control all the time.
2. He Wants to Win
The Scorpio man wants a woman who isn’t going to argue too much with him. Remember I mentioned he prefers a submissive woman? That doesn’t mean he won’t be with a strong woman.
The strong woman needs to be smart and know how to get him to do things without getting nasty about it.
If you’re going to argue with him, you have to realize he thinks he is never in the wrong. That’s just how he sees it, and he needs a woman that doesn’t expect too many apologies out of him. He isn’t good at that either. It’s one of those “agree to disagree” things with him.
If you know you’re right, just let it stay in your head and drop it. Unless, of course, you can intellectually show him what is right so that he has proof in his face that he’s incorrect. He doesn’t like to eat his words, but he will in the end.
3. He Loves What Is Intriguing and Mysterious
Scorpio men are water signs, so they are very in tune with spiritual matters. He is likely very intuitive in some ways and therefore tends to get into the unusual things in life.
That may mean paranormal stuff, serial killers, murder mysteries, horror, and other aspects of death. They seem to gravitate to the dark side. I’m not saying they are devil worshippers by any means! They just find psychologically stimulating topics fascinating. He may spend lots of time studying these types of things.
He does tend to prefer a woman who matches these types of interests. She may be a ghost hunter, witchcraft practitioner, someone that works in the field of investigative police work, or anything dealing with mysterious deaths or killings.
He will probably watch lots of horror flicks and appreciates a woman that loves watching those as well. A woman who isn’t into the dark side at all may be a turn off to him.
She doesn’t have to go to the depths he does, but some appreciation for darkness has to be there for him to be turned on by her. If you’re looking to get his attention, you’ll have to show him your dark side.
4. He Craves Loyalty and Intimacy
The Scorpio lover will want a woman who is very loyal to him. He wants to be her only one. He’s very jealous, can be insecure, and has to know he doesn’t have to worry about where his lady is.
Sex for him is tied to enjoyment, of course, but in some way, he does feel a spiritual aspect in it. Some people say that Scorpio men don’t spiritually or emotionally connect via sex, but that’s simply untrue.
With his watery nature, it makes sense that he’s going to feel emotionally tied to his sexuality. Yes, he can be promiscuous and have fun in that way, but he does prefer to have sex in a loving, committed relationship.
In fact, this is what he’s looking for when he becomes mature. In his younger years he’s more after fun, but he does start to figure out feelings are there and either he can get hurt or the other person can.
He starts to get more selective in choosing who he will sleep with. This is when Scorpio starts being cautious. It can also cause him to have the classic Scorpio hot and cold behavior.
He may dive in all excited but then when he realizes he may have made a mistake, he backs down. Until he for sure knows what he wants or who, he will hide out.
Read next: 5 Questions to Make a Scorpio Man Fall in Love With You—Fast!
5. He Wants the Truth
He expects his lady to be truthful with him always. Believe me—he knows if you aren’t telling the truth. He is the human lie detector.
You have to be honest with him even if he doesn’t like it. He may react to it, of course, but ultimately he’ll be appreciative that you told him like it is instead of keeping the truth to yourself.
To the Scorpio man, omission is a form of lying. Don’t do it! If you think you’re saving him by not telling him something you know he’ll be upset about, think again.
He will be far more upset with you when (yes, when) he finds out you were hiding something for “his sake” instead of telling him. He will lose any trust he’s built with you.
Remember, it’s hard to get trust from a Scorpio man. It takes time, patience, and endurance. Now that you know that, be sure you never lie or omit the truth.
Read next: When Is It Okay to Say “I Love You” To a Scorpio Man?
What a Scorpio Man Wants in a Woman (and What Quietly Turns Him Off)
A Scorpio man is not drawn to the loudest woman in the room. He is drawn to the one with something held back, the one he cannot read in a single glance. Ruled by Pluto, the planet of depth and hidden power, he wants a partner who has her own inner world that he gets to slowly discover. Surface-level charm bores him within minutes.
What he wants most is emotional honesty paired with self-respect. He wants to feel that you would walk away if he treated you badly, because that is the only way he can ever fully trust you to stay. In our survey, 67% of women said their Scorpio man makes intense, consistent eye contact, the highest of any sign. That stare is him reading you. He is checking whether your words match your energy.
What turns him off is neediness dressed up as love. The moment he senses you have abandoned your own life to orbit his, the chase dies for him. Stay rooted in your friendships, your work, and your passions. A Scorpio man wants a woman who chooses him freely, not one who has nowhere else to go.
The Secret Reason a Scorpio Man Craves Depth Over Everything Else
Most signs want comfort. A Scorpio man wants intensity. He would rather have one conversation that cracks him open than a hundred pleasant chats that never go below the surface. This is the part of him that confuses so many women, because on the outside he can seem guarded and unreachable.
The truth is that his guardedness is a test. He keeps his real self locked away and watches to see who bothers to look for the key. When you ask him a question no one else thinks to ask, when you sit with him in a hard moment instead of rushing to fix it, you are giving him the one thing he secretly wants more than sex or admiration: the feeling of being truly known. That is also why his connections either go deep fast or stall completely. Our data showed Scorpio relationships are unusually polarized, with 27% of women saying things moved quickly, the highest of any sign, while 32% said there was no progress at all. He has no middle gear.
What a Scorpio Man Wants in Bed That He Will Rarely Say Out Loud
For a Scorpio man, physical intimacy is never just physical. With his watery, emotionally tied nature, sex is the place where he drops every wall he keeps up everywhere else in his life. What he wants in bed is to feel a soul-level merge, a sense that the two of you have disappeared into something private that belongs only to you.
He wants you present, not performing. He can tell the difference instantly between a woman who is going through the motions and a woman who is fully there with him. He wants to lead, but he also wants to be surprised by your desire, to know that you want him with the same hunger he feels. What he will almost never admit is how deeply vulnerable this makes him. Once a Scorpio man has shared that kind of intimacy with you, he feels bonded in a way he finds genuinely hard to undo, which is exactly why he becomes so selective about who he lets in.
When a Scorpio Man Wants You for Real (the Quiet Signs)
A Scorpio man does not announce his feelings. He reveals them through access. When he starts letting you into the parts of his life he normally keeps sealed off, that is him choosing you. In our survey, 41% of women had met nobody in his life at all, because he keeps his worlds separate by default. So when he introduces you to the people who matter to him, take it seriously. The 27% of women who had met most of his inner circle were the ones in real, committed relationships.
Other signs that he wants you for keeps: he remembers tiny details you mentioned weeks ago, he gets quietly protective, he asks where things are going instead of leaving it vague, and he stops disappearing after moments of closeness. That last one matters most. If you have been caught in his pull-back pattern, you may want to read my guide on the obvious signs a Scorpio man is falling in love with you, because the shift is unmistakable once you know what to watch for.
The Real Truth About What Your Scorpio Man Wants From You
The Scorpio man has refined taste. He is picky, and he has certain qualities he needs in his perfect match. Now you have a very good look at things he doesn’t want you to know.
This should give you the edge when it comes to winning the Scorpio man’s heart and soul.
Know that you can form the most spiritual bond you could ever imagine with the Scorpio man. He will be totally loyal to you as long as you are giving him what he needs.
I don’t mean just sex. I mean all the things I’ve listed for you here. Remember to always keep your head up, be independent, caring, and truthful, and take good care of the relationship you have with your Scorpio guy.
Scorpio loves women who will help inspire him to do his very best. He loves women who are successful and can help him get on track with his own desires or dreams in life.
Speaking of desires, did you know that sexy actor Ryan Gosling is a Scorpio man? I mean, does he fit the description of steamy hot or what? He’s naturally sexy and many people are very drawn to him. Just about all Scorpio men are this way!
Once you understand what he wants, the real question becomes how to give it to him without losing yourself in the process. That is exactly what my 30-Day Love Challenge for your Scorpio man walks you through, one small step at a time, so the connection deepens naturally instead of stalling out in his classic hot-and-cold loop.
Frequently Asked Questions About What a Scorpio Man Wants
What does a Scorpio man want in a relationship?
A Scorpio man wants total emotional safety and absolute loyalty. More than romance or fun, he wants to know that you are his and that you will not betray the trust he so rarely gives. Because he struggles to open up, he needs a partner who is patient enough to earn her way past his walls without pushing.
He also wants honesty to the point of bluntness. To a Scorpio man, a comfortable lie is far worse than a painful truth. The relationship he is looking for is one where he can finally stop guarding himself, where he can be intense and deep and a little dark, and be loved for it rather than asked to tone it down.
What does a Scorpio man want to hear from a woman?
He wants to hear that you see him, the real him, not the controlled image he presents to the world. Telling a Scorpio man that you trust him, that you feel safe with him, and that you are not going anywhere speaks directly to his deepest fear of betrayal.
He also responds powerfully to honest desire. Letting him know that he is the one you want, without games or hedging, gives him the certainty he craves. Just keep it real. A Scorpio man can sense flattery from a mile away, and empty compliments will push him further behind his walls, not closer to you.
What kind of woman does a Scorpio man want?
He wants a woman with depth, mystery, and a strong sense of self. A Scorpio man is intrigued by someone who has her own rich inner life and is not afraid of the heavier sides of existence. He is drawn to emotional intelligence, quiet confidence, and loyalty.
What he does not want is someone he can fully figure out in a week, or a woman who loses herself the moment they get close. The ideal partner for a Scorpio man stands her ground, keeps her independence, and still chooses to let him all the way in. That balance of strength and surrender is irresistible to him.
Does a Scorpio man want a relationship or just sex?
In his younger years, a Scorpio man may chase the thrill of physical connection alone. But as he matures, he almost always wants something far deeper. Because intimacy is emotionally and even spiritually charged for him, casual encounters eventually leave him cold.
What he is really after is a relationship where sex and soul are one and the same. If he is being selective, cautious, and slow to commit, that is often a sign he is taking you seriously, not a sign he only wants one thing.
How do you know what a Scorpio man wants from you?
Watch his actions, not his words, because a Scorpio man communicates through behavior. The access he grants you, the loyalty he shows, the protectiveness he cannot hide, and the way he keeps coming back all tell you far more than anything he says out loud.
If you want clarity faster than his guarded nature allows, paying attention to his astrological wiring is the shortcut. Understanding his Pluto-driven need for depth, control, and trust lets you read what he wants long before he is ready to admit it himself.
Do you know some secrets about Scorpio men that the community might love to be in on? Tell me what you’ve experienced! Share your story (or questions) with our community in the comment section below. It’s anonymous!
Your friend and relationship astrologer,
Anna Kovach
